Saturday, February 25, 2006

Regrets

For some reason listening to 90's music almost always puts me into a bad mood, or at least a semi-depressing one. It’s due to the fact that it makes me remember all of the regrets in my life that occurred in the past 10 years or so, it’s really sad in reality, but oh well, I cannot not listen to the music, it’s too good. In my life there have been quite a number of regrets involving a whole number of situations but the ones that stick out the strongest all involve girls for some reason. The biggest regret was actually involving Heather, who later became my good friend. One night we were studying in the library and then we started talking and figured that we weren’t going to get anymore work done so we decided to go back and watch a movie, anyway watching the movie was great and both of us were just lying there in my bed watching this movie, and once it was done we started talking again, and I kept getting the strongest feeling that she wanted me to do something, but with my complete lack of experience and other factors I had no real idea as to what to do so we just continued to talk for another hour or so until she said she had to get to bed. Even though it wasn’t a bad time and was really great I'll always look at that as my biggest regret due to the fact that I was unable to do anything at all, furthermore after that I wasn’t able to have any sort of repeat attempt or even hope for another chance, which sure enough after being around her for two years never came again. The other major regret that I have was with Gillian, who for some reason was very attracted to me, and despite the fact that she invited me to make some sort of move on her, I couldn’t do it at all. That has got to be my second biggest regret, for while she wasn’t perfect; she was when all I wanted was some experience which, having gotten to know her more was something that she definitely could have delivered.

My life again

Well here I am yet again, yes it’s been a few days but, what do you expect, eh?? Anyway, I can’t exactly say I have all that much to mention now, not too much has gone on in my life as of late. Pretty much the only real thing to mention was the fact that I managed to get into contact with a culinary arts school in Vancouver who are going to send me some more information and give me an interview type deal over the phone in a few weeks, once I receive the information. The downside of this is the fact that I need to discuss this with mom at some point before that, or else they might begin to wonder what’s going on, if she doesn’t already. I’m now really starting to hope that mom and Eric make the decision to put Freda into school next year. I already see her being way too much like me and that's not a good thing, I'm the way I am for may various reasons, and I just hope to God that Freda doesn’t have to follow in the same path that I did. To prevent this my parents really only have two options, the first is put her in school, which would be perfect for her, and it wouldn’t be nearly as bad as mom thinks it would, mainly because they know how bad it truly is and so can watch for it. However it is highly unlikely that they'll do that and so they're going to have to take a more active role in her social development, by this I mean setting her up for as many times as possible when she can get together with her friends. I just hope that whatever they choose it'll be soon, because no one should have to go through what I did, and really still am.

Oh well, all I know is that I got to get the Hell out of here, and soon too. So I'm going to start looking for a job online, but it’s a huge pain in the ass on a shitty dial-up connection so I'm going to have to find some way of finding a high-speed connection that I can use for a few hours or so. All I really need for a job is just one to get me somewhere that’s not here, and because of that I'm not exactly looking for anything special at all.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

How I See Myself

Ok, I just figured out a whole bunch of shit about my life, lets hope I can get it down fast enough so I don't forget it. First off I got a reply from one of the culinary arts schools in Vancouver that I wrote to and they want me to call them at some point, and it's this that sparked my whole following thought process. See while I'm looking at this I'm trying to keep the whole idea of cooking school from my parents for the time being anyway. So when I was trying to figure out a way of doing this it led to me asking the question as to why I want to keep it from the in the first place, to answer this it hit me as to why, it is because I cannot talk to my parents about any real mature subject (drugs, booze, relationships, carriers etc...). The reason that I cannot do this is because in my eyes I still see myself as a kid rather then as an adult, which I guess I am. I don’t quite know the reason as to why I see myself in this way but I'm sure it'll come to me at some point. Factored in here is my lack of any sort of relationships, and most certainly my lack of knowledge about mature relationships (by mature I don’t mean sexual but rather someone with which you can talk about your problems with). I don't know whither this view of myself is the cause of the lack of relationships or if the lack caused the view, I tend to think it’s the latter due to a few other factors. But needless to say it is this view that is really my problem, and its one I have to solve, but the problem is that I'm in a situation where I cannot do that, because in order try to solve my view my parents would have to know, in order for them to know I'd have to have a mature conversation with them, and in order to that I'd have to fix my view of myself. So as long as I'm here I cannot really make any attempt at fixing this problem, so than, what am I going to do if to leave here involves having a mature conversation with my parents?? *Sigh* I don't know, I just hope I was able to explain it clear enough to you. I just got to revisit one point about friendships I made above, and that is that it is because my lack of friendships that I have this view. This is based on the fact that I haven’t had any mature relationships (with one possible exception) in my entire life, so I don't really know how to hold a mature conversation with anyone, none-the-less my parents with whom it’s very easy to slip back into the traditional roles. In fact when I look back at the friendships that I've had, even in university they were little above those that you see with 12 year olds, I mean I have now clue how to talk about my problems with anyone, I don’t know how to broach the subject, how to end the subject or if they want to hear about the subject. Mostly it’s the last one that’s a pain as I have a strong fear that nobody wants to hear about my problems and that the people that I tell won’t want to listen to me again. Even knowing that that’s not true doesn’t help me, because I don’t know exactly how untrue it is, I know that no one will turn their back on me as I'm talking, but will they be their the next time I need to talk or will they shut me out. I don’t know, my life’s just so fucked up and it all traces back to the fact that I don't see myself as an adult.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Well, I've finally done it, I threw my back out yesterday and it still hurts today, jezz this is sad I'm only 22 and I've already got back problems. Oh well, I guess it just means I'm going to have to do more work outs and stuff like that, but summers comming soon so that should make it a bit eaiser to do stuff. Yesterday I spent all day watching the Olympics on TV and Canada became the first country to sucsessfully defend a gold medal in womens hockey, it was great. Overall it wasent a bad day for the Canadian teams all throughtout, both the mens and the womens curling teams won their games to advance to the semis, two of Canadas mens aerials skiers anvanced to the finals, and surpirzingly hot Kelly VanderBeek just missed the bronze in thh Super GS. Today should be a fun day too, and me with nothing else to do will be watching for sure. Anyway, yesterday I started to go through some of my boxes that are stuck in one of the rooms upstairs (thats how I hurt my back) and I realized that I have a lot of stuff for an apartment or a house that I want to use, but cannot as long as I'm stuck here. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really gotta get out of here, and go off to do my own thing. But what?? Ahh, theirin lies the problem.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Two Not So Boring Days

Ha, here I am again two days later, I've actually been relitivly busy for the past few days, its amazing. Saturday was my little brothers B-Day, so I went over to dad's to go to his party, his laud and obnoctious party. It's been a while since I'd been to a party with a bunch of 12 year olds, 10 years in fact, and I didint realize how rembunctious they could be, I guess thats why the only parties I went to when I was that age involved lots of outdoor activities rather then just indoor stuff. But anyway other than that it was a fun time and I'm glad I went but it was a bit exhousting having to keep my dads spirits up the whole time. After that I was dead tired, and just crashed when I got back to Mom's Saturday night. Sunday was even funer though, we went skating yesterday at the arena which was fun and it definatally made me realize that I need to be more active, I love it way too much, but its hard to do that when you live in the country and its been a cold winter with no snow, so I think in order to get active again, either the weather needs to shift or I need to move, or even better both.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

My Name is Iñego Montoya, You Killed My Father, Prepare to Die.

That’s right I watched 'The Princess Bride' today for what must be the hundredth time by now, but it’s a good movie so I don't really mind watching it over and over again. I tend to like those types of movies, some people tend to think I'm weird for this, I mean most guys don't really like the romantic comedy style of movies, but I tend to, they're usually a good relief to either the mindless action or stupidity that seems to run rampant in Hollywood now. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes you need to shut your mind off and just watch some drivel on the tube, but what surprises me is that people are paying copious amount of money to spend time turning off their minds. Me, if I'm going to spend some money on something entertaining it has to have at least some form of intellectual content. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the smartest movie in the world but it has to be something that’s going to make me thing, and makes me feel like my mind actually got a workout from watching the film.

Anyway, today was actually a busy day today, I got t go into town to get groceries, and on top of that we got our new TV today, a great big 20" one. It’s nice, a bit small perhaps, but when you've spent most of your life looking at a 13" one it can be quite an upgrade. But again, much like almost everything I do or see around me now, it makes me want to get out of here even more. I mean the whole time they were buying the TV all I could think of was how I'd set up my room in my own place, and in my own house or apartment. It's a weird feeling, kind of like being homesick without the home. It was the same when we went to get groceries, all I could think of was how I'd live if I was on my own and how I'd structure my diet and other things to do with food and money. It all just makes me want to get out of here even more, its definitely time that I started to live my own life and was out on my own, even if it means failing and falling down so far as to live on the streets, I need to take a chance. I think I've finally figured out what that chance might be too, I have to go out west and do some stuff out there. Right now I'm looking at culinary arts schools, which is something I'd like to get into, and one of the best is in Ottawa while the other is in Vancouver. So hopefully I can look into those a bit closer and something might come out of it.

On that note I actually got a new cookbook today (not really new, over 30 years old actually), I got a copy of the Joy of Cooking which I ordered on eBay for just five bucks plus shipping, what’s more this book is in excellent condition and appears to not have been opened at all, or at least very rarely. But that’s about all that really happened today, and I can't really thing of anything else so chao!!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Me on Friends

Well I just woke up from most likely one of my best dreams ever. I dreamed I was at this party or get together, or something and all my friends from school were there, almost everyone that I met in my third and fourth years, it was such a good dream, and then at the end of it I dreamed that I went upstairs and had this amazing conversation with Molly, who, if you've read my previous blogs on my website you are well aware that she was the first person I kissed. As great as this dream was, it left me quite depressed and really pissed off at myself for letting all these friendships slip through my fingers. It definitely opened up my eyes though and made me realize just how much I miss those people and how much I need to get either them back into my life or to find new people to replace them. I know that the latter isn’t going to happen until I leave my parents place, so I guess I'm going to have to try to mend some of those long neglected friendships. My problem with that is that I don't know where to start, I don’t know how to talk to these people anymore, or at least I strongly believe that I don’t know how to anyway. This is one hard task but I know its one I need to perform, cause if I don’t, I'm going to continue to kick myself in the ass under the presumptions that I failed without even trying, which in my mind is one of the worse things you can do, and as we all know I hate hypocrisy. So I’ll keep you all informed as to how my life unfolds on that aspect. Hopefully it will for the better.

Last night in Bed

Well I woke up pretty early morning, I don’t know why I guess I was just not all that tired, I was looking forward to going outside in the snow to do something like skiing, or something like that but that wasn’t meant to be seeing as a really warm night had melted almost all the snow. So right off the bat I wasn’t really in that good a mood. So I didn’t really do all that much today, just played around online for a good portion of the day, as well as watching the Olympics on TV all day. Tomorrow were finally getting a new TV, ours has been lacking colour for the past few months, and is steadily getting worse. So it'll be nice to watch TV in some colour for once. Man, that’s a show of how pathetic my life is right now, my high point is that we're getting a colour TV, Yehaw. Anyway, my life is normally pathetic, I've managed to successfully lose touch with all of the friends I made back at university, and not all that surprising really, if you knew how awful I was at keeping in touch with people. But of all the people I miss talking to is Iz, even though I know I can just click on her name and talk to her in MSN I just don't because I know that I don’t really have all that much to say to her. I mean what am I supposed to say to her??? Literally, that’s a question I'm posing to you, I have absolutely no skills when it comes to making small talk with people, and on top of that I have no clue what’s appropriate for friends to talk about, me never really having any in my life up until about two years ago. I missed that crucial stage in which most people learn how to make friends and how to be a friend, and because of that I'm at a loss when it comes to talking about anything with anyone, I always find myself overanalyzing the situation, for example if I was talking to me male friends I'd always wonder what was suitable conversation, not knowing what two guys talked about beyond what I see on TV, I'd always say nothing over taking the chance and saying the wrong thing. Then with my female friends the problem was the same yet different, I never knew what to ay or do cause I was always afraid that they'd misconstrue it as though I was in some way hitting on them, or that I was attracted to them, which for the most part I wasn’t and for the two that I was I didn’t want them to know that I was because I had no clue how to handle the situation then. Anyway that’s the rant on my pathetic life foe today.

Emissions and US

Ok, well everyday I read the news on my PDA, and now that I've got his blog thing somewhat sorted out I might be able to work in what I read into what I say. So I came upon this article in the CBC download titled U.S. may be getting 'a free ride' on emissions: Sierra Club, which of course doesn’t really surprise me at all, but it manages to give me a great example of how the American government and business is able to pawn its problems off to Canada. Here's a brief snippet of the article that gives the jist:

Low increases in greenhouse gas emissions in the United States may be the result of Americans "getting a free ride from Canadian electricity, oil and gas," the Sierra Club of Canada suggests. Canada's emissions have risen 24 per cent over 1990 levels, while U.S. Levels increased by 13 per cent in the Same period, the environmental groups says in its annual review of Canada’s progress in meeting the Kyoto Protocol’s targets. "Emissions from Canadian oil and gas production have risen significantly ... primarily to supply the U.S," say the authors in the report released Thursday. "Without this electricity, our neighbour would have had to generate huge amounts of fossil fuel emissions."

This can do nothing but piss off the environmentally conscious Canadian, I mean why should we up here have to deal; with excess greenhouse gasses just so we can sell ourselves out to the Americans. I mean were burning the candle at both ends, were sitting on the bottom seat of a newfie two-holer (Reference to outhouses). I mean what we are doing is not only selling ourselves out to the Americans, but were doing at our own expense, not theirs. Say for example we produce oil and burn it to produce power for the americans, under the Kyoto accord the emissions that we produce in both acquiring the oil and burning it go into Canada's emission levels, but were not getting the power that is being generated the US is, so their emission levels stay the same, so essentially on their end they are getting emission free power (I know the Americans don’t really care about this one as they pulled out of Kyoto). On top of this, Canada is still in Kyoto so they have to do something to lower emissions, and if you think its going to be these power plants think again, there would be way to big an uproar from the Albertans and the other members of Canada’s oil industry if this occurred, so in the end its going to be the individual and the small businesses that are going to have to pay for the American emission reductions. Yippy.

Well finally its happened the UN and other international bodies (the EU passed a resolution making it their formal approach as well) have finally called for the US to own up to the human rights violations that are occurring at GitMo. Well you can guess what the US (I got to stop using the universal 'American' when referring to the US) response was to the allegations "These are dangerous terrorists that we're talking about that are there,” That’s right, the standard 'We'll abuse any human and violate any law in the name of defending the homeland.' A very predictable response from DC, not that anything else was expected from them. I have always stood in my life as an avid anti-hypocrite, and with Bush since 9/11 my brains just been flying off the handle trying to see all the ones that the Bush administration manages to string together. GitMo is actually one of the biggest hypocrisies that exist in that admin today. I mean what he is in effect saying is that we'll doing anything to protect out freedoms and values, even if it means violating the very core freedoms and values that we're defending. All I can say is thank god I live in Canada and don’t have to live in the Theocracy/Oligarchy that the US has become.

The quote above was from the CBC story: U.S. rejects UN call to release Guantanamo detainees.
I Can't give a link due to the fact that I get my news on my PDA


Anti-US Princapals

In any case, having a strong dislike for America, yet not having the integrity to be honest about one's true feelings, makes such a person easy to defeat through skillful debate.

There are many ways to do this...

...if someone you believe to be a genuine anti-American says they oppose the Iraq War because "there were no WMDs" or "Bush lied about WMDs", then you can merely ask :

"So if WMDs were found, would you support the war?"

They can either answer "no", to which you can say "So why do you obsess over WMDs if you still would have opposed it anyway? That appears rather phony on your part."

Or they can answer "yes", to which you can ask them "But Iran and North Korea are openly admitting to the pursuit of nuclear weapons, and are threatening to use them. By your logic, invading them is fully justified, is it not?"

Either way, they are trapped. This is so simple, yet very effective. In reality, they oppose any action by the US because they oppose the very ideals of the US. Yet, they are too ashamed to admit it, and so hide behind phony guises.


Ok, I stole this quote off a guy’s blog because I have to point out a fact or two here. First off anyone with any intelligence can come back from either of the above comebacks very easily. From the 'no' one by using a simple metaphor for example If you married someone on the conviction that they were female, but on the wedding night you found out differently, you'd be dwelling on that for a long time as well. Well that’s pretty much what bush has done, convinced us that were marrying someone we think we know, but then after the fact turns out we don’t know at all. The blogger left a good response to this saying that it’s smart to go after the principals, not facts as neither side can agree on the facts, which is true. But attacking principals is difficult and dangerous, because in order to attack on those ground you have to know and understand the others principals and then undermine them. True, the above argument would work on some anti-US people, those who only attack US policy because its US policy, but those people are in a tiny minority and are really only anti-US because it’s popular. The vast majority of those the right dubs anti-american are not truly so, but rather are against hypocrisy, and in particular the hypocritical policies of this administration. The USA PATRIOT Act is a perfect example of this, as Bush claimed that this act was necessary to preserve the rights and freedoms of the US, but in fact the act stripped many of those rights from all USers. It is that, that many of the so called anti-americans are against not the government its self and certainly not the people of the US.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Dial-up Blues

Well here I am still trying to get used to this site and the way that I post on it, and I'm still trying to figure out a way that I can work it seamlessly with my PDA which I tend to do most of my blogging on as I have it with me almost all the time. But while I'm online now I thought I'd write something down. Here at my place we still have a major lack of high-speed internet so I'm still trying to do all this shit with nothing but a slow dial up connection. See up until now I had a rythem when I went online, I'd check my e-mails, check my chess games, and then I'd get off, and because of the slow dial up (we're not even getting 56k here) this takes me about a half an hour. Now I could pretty much live with that speed, but its when I try to do other things that this really pisses me off, because right now a lot of web sites assume that their visitors are all using high-speed and so tend to fill up their pages with a lot of images, flash, or some other fancy crap (Fox.com is a good example of this going too far, do not go their if your on dial up.) But even amung the blog sites, a lot of people put up these big pictures that take a hell of a long time to come up, and so slow down my whole computing experience.

Athletics and Athletes

Well I finally went out x-country skiing today, and but it was fun, although it doesn’t look like the snow will last long enough to keep doing it, already by tonight the temperature was well above freezing, so I guess now I'll just have to wait for the biking season to start, which judging by the way the weathers been lately might not be too far away. I'll have to put in quite a bit of work before I can get my bikes on the road though; I know that both of them needed a good cleaning before I put them away in the fall. But that’s not too much of an issue at the moment as I need to have good weather because I can only work on them outside.

I was watching the Olympics today, it was great, Canada managed to win their hockey game, but they kept switching sports on me so I found it tricky to follow what was live and what was taped. One thing that I noticed was the fact that many of the women athletes were damn hot, not just like above average, but actually very hot, I think that that may be a testimony to the type of girls I look at, for I've always preferred the athletic ones.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hockey, Life and Health Care

Well I don't know exactly how long today’s writing will be, probably not too long as right now I cannot really think of all that much to talk about as not a lot has been going on either in my life or in the world in general. One of the key things that are happening in the world right now is the Olympics in Italy. But even in that there isn’t really all that much to talk about, I guess the only real things are the hockey teams and the plague of scandal that still follows Wane Gretzky wherever he goes and the fact that the North American media are still trying to make a story of a non-issue, and even seem to be slightly pissed off that the rest of the worlds media don't see it as a story at all, but actually want Gretzky and the others to, get this, answer questions about hockey. I mean who in the North American media could imagine that the other media would want to talk to the greatest hockey player about hockey, but oh well, if the media wants to make an ass of themselves in the eyes of the world that’s their problem, but the rest of us normal people don’t really give a rats ass, I mean its not like its the first time a sports player has done something illegal, and Gretzky hasn’t even done anything.

But anyway, on to something different. Last night I started to look at culinary institutes in Canada to where I could get a degree in some form of cooking. I was looking at the prices and they seem quite reasonable or at least comparable, being roughly twice as much as a normal university's but for quite a bit more class time, and seeing as we're dealing with food a food preparation, it only makes since that the price would be a bit higher, and also their prices are a bit less regulated, so they can go up quite a bit higher then a normal university can. But anyway I got to look into it a bit more today, and also figure out what I'd need to become an accountant, which I'd almost like to do instead of cooking, mainly because cooking for me is a stress reliever, so if it were to turn into a job not only would it add a form of stress for me, but it would take away a way that I relieve some stress. So I don’t know, I'll have to look into it and I'll keep you posted as to what I do, or better yet end up doing.

Alright, I think its time for me to weigh in on the health-care issue in Canada, especially now that Harper's in power this is an issue that’s going to be talked about more and more. First off is the general accepted statement that we in Canada will only be truly accepting of a Universal health system straight across the board, we will not except that someone could be denied treatment just because they lack money or insurance. Or how it was put all throughout the campaign, you pay with your health card, not your credit card. But while this is a fact it is also one that our healthcare system is in dramatic need for some major reform. Almost every aspect of our healthcare system is in some form of crisis, rural doctors are leaving at alarming rates, rural emergency rooms are closing down, urban ER's are overcrowded and have to deal with long waiting times, doctors are abusing the system right and left, so are patients, specialist wait times are never-ending, and there are plenty more that aren’t as common and are way too numerous to list here. So seeing this it’s pretty obvious that something needs to be done, but the big question in Canada is 'what?' The politicians have a unique view that just pumping money in will solve the problem, the health care professionals agree on that but also claim that more staff is the key. Business believes that the private sector is the solution. And the vast majority of the public is caught in the middle with a whole range of ideas. Me, I don’t really have any ideas on how to fix the system or on how to make it better. I think I have to comment on the BC throne speech where Campbell pledged to be a leader among the provinces on this issue, he said "Why are we so afraid to look at mixed health-care delivery models, when other states in Europe and around the world have used them to produce better results for patients at a lower cost to taxpayers?" The answer to this is pretty simple, we the public are not afraid of a two tier healthcare system, we're afraid that the politicians will fuck up a two tier healthcare system. I for one honestly think that some form of two tier system may not be all that bad, and there plenty of models of this to draw an example from. But I do not trust the politicians to; A, choose the model that’s right for Canada, and make the correct alterations to the model to be one that can be adapted to all of Canada. B, fix the major administration problems that exist today, if anything allowing a private system will exacerbate them. C, (and this is the biggie) Properly restrict and enforce restrictions on the private sector and keep the major players in the American system out, if Canada is going to do this right we need to do it without the direct influence of American businesses who don’t have any Canadian interest at all. So the main thing that any politician that’s going to do this has to do is earn the trust of the people of Canada, and conduct any changes in Medicare with complete transparency and many forums for public input.

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