Sunday, March 26, 2006

How Dumb can Canada Be???

Ok, one thing that I figured out that we need in Canada is a new electoral system, I know I've said it before, and I know I'll say it again, but this time what I will say is that we need to have some mandatory voting in this country. I know all of you are thinking that that’s not a good idea, but think about it, what exactly do we learn from the voter turn-out? Not all that much, because we have no real idea as to why those people don't vote, it could be anywhere from simple laziness to those who make a conscious and determined decision not to vote. So that really doesn’t tell us anything. But if we were to put in place mandatory voting we would still need to gauge those who have become disenfranchised with the system. To do this we would need to add a 'none of the above' option to the ballot so that we'd actually gauge a true measure of voter apathy. Further more if somehow a majority of people vote for the 'none of the above' option a clause would have to be put in place to treat this as a vote against the system as a whole, and to react to this the system would have to be dissolved and rebuilt from the ground up to go to a referendum and see if the people agree with it or if they agree to dissolve federalism in Canada.

I do not believe that Canada will ever run out of those recourses, but I do agree with him that there is nothing to be gained in Canada by pulling the oil out of the ground and then piping it directly down to the US, what we need to do instead is actually use and process this oil in Canada where we have control over how its done, and then we can ship down the processes fuel to them, all while giving our economy a boost. In fact this is the key problem with Canada's whole foreign trade policy in general. In Canada we are very rich in natural resources and so it is only natural that our economy would be based upon it, which is not the problem; the problem is that we are not using those resources, but rather we are getting rid of them as fast as we can without building up any infrastructure around their production. Take lumber for example, here we cut trees and ship them all south to be cut and milled and then made ready to be shipped to the stores. What I want to know is why the hell cant we do that here in Canada, why send it south to be processed when we are capable of doing it up hear, we have the technology as well as the skills, all we need is the political will to keep the trees here so that Canadians can actually profit from Canadian timber, but no our politicians will never think of that after all too many Americans are getting rich off of our land. But this isn’t just in the lumber industry but in almost every sector of the Canadian economy that relies on natural resources - Farming, fishing, energy, oil etc... It is all in need of some sort of government protection and we all need... but I've now lost my train of thought so back to the book.

No more book, I cannot read anymore tonight, pissing me off way too much, I mean how can our leaders be so damn stupid as to sell out our country in such a blatant way to the Americans. Aggggggggggggggggh.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Music Time

I've recently noticed some parallels with what was happening then and what’s going on now. Now as it was back then the underground scene with music was exploding, then it was due to underground FM radio, now it’s because of the internet which has caused a ground swelling of independent artists who have the ability to market and disperse to a large but very specific group of people. This more then any other reason is why the big labels hate the internet, not because they are loosing money but because they are loosing the ability to dictate to people what they should listen to. Because now if people don’t like what they hear on the radio they can grab a Podcast of random music that they’ve never heard of and listen to it wherever they are, and then if they like what they hear they can go to the homepage of the artist to see if they're playing in their local area or to buy there album directly from the artist, which completely by-passes the whole industry of record publicity and concentrates the focus onto the artist and the music. So everyone keep your fingers crossed might just be at the end of the era of the make-a-star musicians like Britney, Christina, Jessica, BSB, JT, Ashley, need I go on, I think you've got the picture. No More Bubblegum Pop!!

A Rare Find

I went into a store the other day, one I visit all the time due to this gorgeous cashier that appears around my age who, believe me when I say this, definitely didn’t look like she belonged there. She has the look of intelligence that you don’t see in too many people around here, as well as the attractiveness you rarely see as well. Well anyway, I'd love nothing more then to just talk to her, not ask her out or hit on her or anything like that, but just to talk to her and then see if I'm right in assuming that she truly is smart, but no, I’m unable to do even that as I don’t know how to balance the need for me to act the traditional male part in these circumstances (boldness and courage) with what has been instilled into me that these values (in a male) are not necessarily good ones. Needless to sat the status que won and I never have gotten up the courage to talk to her yet, and I highly doubt that I ever will, but that has as much to do with what I mentioned above as with another hang-up I have which prevents me from doing anything socially adult like in the presence of my parents, but that’s another issue, its now getting late and I'm beat.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Canadian Electoral Systems

Alright, I think its time for me to weigh in on the health-care issue in Canada, especially now that Harper's in power this is an issue that’s going to be talked about more and more. First off is the general accepted statement that we in Canada will only be truly accepting of a Universal health system straight across the board, we will not except that someone could be denied treatment just because they lack money or insurance. Or how it was put all throughout the campaign, you pay with your health card, not your credit card. But while this is a fact it is also one that our healthcare system is in dramatic need for some major reform. Almost every aspect of our healthcare system is in some form of crisis, rural doctors are leaving at alarming rates, rural emergency rooms are closing down, urban ER's are overcrowded and have to deal with long waiting times, doctors are abusing the system right and left, so are patients, specialist wait times are never-ending, and there are plenty more that aren’t as common and are way too numerous to list here. So seeing this it’s pretty obvious that something needs to be done, but the big question in Canada is 'what?' The politicians have a unique view that just pumping money in will solve the problem, the health care professionals agree on that but also claim that more staff is the key. Business believes that the private sector is the solution. And the vast majority of the public is caught in the middle with a whole range of ideas. Me, I don’t really have any ideas on how to fix the system or on how to make it better. I think I have to comment on the BC throne speech where Campbell pledged to be a leader among the provinces on this issue, he said "Why are we so afraid to look at mixed health-care delivery models, when other states in Europe and around the world have used them to produce better results for patients at a lower cost to taxpayers?" The answer to this is pretty simple, we the public are not afraid of a two tier healthcare system, we're afraid that the politicians will fuck up a two tier healthcare system. I for one honestly think that some form of two tier system may not be all that bad, and there plenty of models of this to draw an example from. But I do not trust the politicians to; A, choose the model that’s right for Canada, and make the correct alterations to the model to be one that can be adapted to all of Canada. B, fix the major administration problems that exist today, if anything allowing a private system will exacerbate them. C, (and this is the biggie) Properly restrict and enforce restrictions on the private sector and keep the major players in the American system out, if Canada is going to do this right we need to do it without the direct influence of American businesses who don’t have any Canadian interest at all. So the main thing that any politician that’s going to do this has to do is earn the trust of the people of Canada, and conduct any changes in Medicare with complete transparency and many forums for public input.


Well last night had t be one of my most messed up nights ever, not that I really did anything, quite the opposite I went to bed rather early and even had my light off and trying before Midnight to get to sleep. Well believe me from that point on it was messed up, just going from dream to dream in rapid succession and with me actually remembering most of them as well as the fact that they were all interconnected in someway. It started off with me moving away somewhere, I’m not sure were, all I was aware of is that it wasn’t here, anyway soon after that I went to go visit Isabelle for a weekend, which was great but for some reason I was only there for one day and then the next day I went to visit a friend of hers, who is also a sort of a friend of mine. When I went over to her place I found out that she'd moved in with a bunch of my friends to take over a room left vacant after another of y friends moved out. Anyway soon after I got there pretty much everyone that I met in University started to show up for a big party in this rundown house. After this the dream got really weird for as the dream carried on we started to go out, and it was running through the streets that I started hanging out with the Fresh Prince (not Will Smith, but the character the Fresh Prince). Eventually we made it back to my friends place and went to sleep. But that’s not the end of the dream, it continues through when I woke up the next morning and went to go take a shower which were a lot like gym showers and you had to walk down this weird long corridor, anyway when I got t the showers there were a lot of people there so I just started to take one, and as soon as I started that guy from The Professional (that movie about the hit man with Anna Paquin in it) came in and as soon as he did the showers started to clear out. And this is where my memory of things end, I don’t know if I woke up then or I just changed dreams but I have no recollection of anything after this. So if you think you know something about dreams and might be able to interpret it let me know, because I have a million other vague ones to go through as well.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I wish I may I wish I might!!

Often when I'm just lying in bed I find myself imagining that someone has just asked me that if I had one wish what would it be for? The first answers that come to mind are the obvious ones like wealth, success, friends, a relationship or world peace. But in reality I know that I'd never actually wish for any of these, except maybe world peace, but even then I'd have to very careful how I phrased it. No in reality I'd try to find the one with that would possibly lead to me achieving all of these things, or at least some of them. So what I'd then truly wish for is guts, gull, courage; in short bravery. I'm sick of being a chicken and a coward, I mean right now I'm afraid of almost everything and I don’t even know why. Most of the stuff I'm afraid of has no real justification for that fear, but the only real reason that I'm afraid is because of the fact that the response in unknown. Like if I tell someone how I feel, I've then taken a big risk and I don’t have any idea as to how they might react, even if they react the way that I hope it leaves me up in the air because I have no experience so I have no clue how to react myself. So all that I'd wish for would be simple bravery, that’s it nothing more, with that I'd have the ability to not be afraid of the unknown.

Feminism Pt. 2

Oh yeah there was something else to point out earlier today I worked out my feminism theory a bit clearer, so I'll try to spill it out to you here. The main problem with the feminist movement is now an unintended consequence of it. That is the decline and death of a 'family wage', which is the idea that one person can make enough money from a job to sustain an entire family. Back in the 70's virtually all jobs paid a 'family wage' but with the influx of women in the workforce employers realized that they didn’t need to pay people as much in order for the family to make the same amount of money, this is due to the fact that many families had both parents working. That trend has continued into today when it is virtually impossible to find a job that can sustain 4 people off its sole wage, especially in this consumeristic driven world that we live in now. I have a bit more to say on this but its not really all that coherent in my head, so I wont even try to put it down in writing.

Yep, this is me!! Yippy!!

Alright I know it's been a bit since I actually wrote anything new in this (the last few posts have actually been adaptations from my old website so I could just transfer them here). So I was lying in bed and I realized that it was about time that I did something new on here. And seeing as I'm always constantly inundated with random thoughts something to talk about isn’t al that hard.

First off, I'm a horny basted, I want sex, now saying this I well know that the odds of me ever getting laid are pretty damn slim, but that knowledge only makes me want it even more. The reason that I bring this up is due to the indecent amount of daydreams that I have about my friends and how much I want to sleep with any of them (for those of you who haven’t been able to keep up almost all my friends are female.) I mean the three main girls that I've become friends with are all super hot and would love more then anything t just go out with one of them, even if it would be only for a brief period and doomed to fail. When it comes to Isabelle every time I picture her she’s always just lounging around wearing just a tight t-shirt and panties (which I find extremely hot, especially on someone like her). With Gillian I dream of her grabbing me and then teaching me exactly how to kiss and how to pleasure a woman. And with Heather I dream of her just lying there beside me talking to me. I know deep down that none of these can possibly come true seeing as there is no way I'll ever be able to bring myself to tell any of them about any of it (the only way that they'd find out is if I told them of this website, and seeing as I haven’t yet they still don't know.) I don’t know anymore, I just wish that one o these dreams could come true or that a different one can come true in their place. But, I know that that's not going to happen as long as I remain here so the first order of my business has to be to get the hell outta here. I've ranted enough about that so I won’t go on about that quite yet, at least not here.

Anyway I guess it’s off to sleep, it might take me a bit seeing as my thought are full of visions of Isabelle, Heather and Gillian. Oh well, there are worse things to think about, although the unobtainable perfection that I imagine these to be is pretty hard to beat in terms of mental torture.

Lonely Afternoon

Oh dear, well it’s a lovely afternoon here, its just one of those days that I both love and hate at the same time. I love it because it's one of the first days of the year that you can actually do stuff outside and be active in some way. I love it as I was finally able to get out on my bike for the first time this year, and it showed me exactly how out of shape I am now. The reason I don't like days like this are a bit more complex and maybe a bit difficult to understand. Days like this are meant to be shared with people and not to just be enjoyed by ones self, and as you should all know if you've been keeping track, I've never exactly had anyone to share a day like this with. Because of this I always get this deep feeling of longing whenever days like this present themselves. Even while I'm typing this up all that I can think of how much I would have loved a day like this at school, when I would probably have been found drinking a beer on our front steps sitting in a lawn chair. Ahh those were the days, they only lasted for two fleeting years though and then they were done, and here I now am, sitting at home wishing I was back in school enjoying this marvelous day.

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Perfect Female!!

Face, Brains, Body. That’s the order in which I'm attracted to people, I'm not naive enough to say that the body means nothing, or that it’s not about looks because believe me they are both pretty damned important, however only when in conjunction with each other or brains. First face. I'm not going to tell what the perfect face is for me namely because I don’t know what it is, all I can say is that it’s in the eyes and the smile. The eyes show the nature of the person and the smile invites you to look at that nature. The next comes the brain which is a bit misleading for when I say brain I mean all the aspects of personality as well as intelligence. With these I can be more specific as for the most part I know what I'm looking for. I'm looking for intelligence, any girls I look at have to be smart; however there are many ways to show intelligence so as long as you’re not someone who’s ditsy or mentally handicapped in some way there is a form of intelligence that will show itself. Now for personality, which there are three key traits I look for. First, I look for someone outgoing and who isn’t afraid to try new things, they don’t have to me insanely outgoing just more so than I am (I know it sounds hypocritical, but its the only thing that I’m aware of that I'm hypocritical in that I allow to continue, Manly cause its so damn hard for me to change). Second, athletic ability, I love to be active and I know I could not be happy with anyone who didn’t as well, I thrive off the energy of other people so I want someone who will push ,e if I'm a bit slow and will tolerate being pushed if they are. Third, Artistic taste, I love the arts, and I don’t just like to sit around and watch TV, in fact I despise TV there are only about 4 shows on TV that I watch (24, Daily Show, The Family Guy, The Simpsons), but I love to go out and watch plays (armature or professional) see bands and watch sports, its all such a better time then just sitting on the couch watching TV.
Finally I guess were down to the body, for the most part if you have the face and the brains that correspond with what I like I don’t care what your body is. Sure I'm not likely to go out with someone whose obese or majorly overweight, but that’s due to the fact that there’s a good chance that they don’t match the personality types that I look for, they’re not as likely to have the self-confidence to be outgoing and they are not going to be as athletic as any person I'm looking for. So that’s it, that’s what I look for in a girl, if I ever find someone like that I'll let you know (actually I have, Isabelle pretty much fits the perfect girl to a T, and she has the face, brains and body).

Alone and Alive

God I'm sick of this, and I hate it. Why is it every morning I wake up with this deep faceted desire that I know I cannot fulfill? I wake up all that I wish for is to no longer be alone, I lie here just wishing that I had a girlfriend, my hands ache for someone to hold, the rest of me desires to know what its like to feel the soft pressure of a girl curled up against me. But while at the same time that I want this I won’t just pick up anyone, I want an actual girlfriend, and someone I know and can trust. Every morning I wish for this even though I don’t ever really see it happening to me. Why do I do this you’re asking? Well in truth, part of me likes to be depressed and in a constant state of longing, mostly because its failure to me and I know what it feels like, happiness isn’t something I understand all that well and because of that I don’t trust it. Oh well, I guess I'll never be happy. In case you haven’t already figured this out unhappiness and loneliness are pretty dominant features in my life and probably will be for the foreseeable future.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

An Electible NDP

The first thing that the NDP should have done in the last election was to come out of gate shouting 'minority, minority, minority' and drilling it into the peoples heads that the only reason that the Liberal's were held accountable was because they were in a minority situation and couldn’t have just swept it under the rug. They should have pointed out the rather obvious fact that the vast majority of majority governments were corrupt and that a minority situation would be the only assurance against the ternary of the majority that Plato predicted would occur in democracies 2500 years, and was reiterated in the Federalist Papers written at the birth of the modern representative democracy's 200 years ago. Well guess what, that’s why we got in Canada, and if you British or Americans think your system has checks to prevent it look again. If the NDP were to take this stance coming out they would sit much higher on the polls and the Conservatives would be a bit lower. But for the NDP to do this they would have to change their whole approach to national campaigning, and stop thinking, and acting like they might be able to win the election, under absolutely no foreseeable circumstances is this going to happen, so stop pretending that it might. This is something that drives away a lot of voters from the NDP as they like the other parties only campaigns on what they'll do once they get into power, and the people all know that the NDP will never get to power, so they then think 'what’s the point in voting for them?' and they believe that their vote is wasted if they go for the NDP. This is the case in every election, but especially in this one, as I believe most of the Liberal voters are really only voting that way to keep Harper out, which would have given a lot of potential for the NDP vote if they'd played their cards right. However if the NDP was to do this it would mean no longer campaigning to win and changing the way that people think of voting. This is pretty much the only way that the NDP will have a chance in future elections go gain on their 20-30 seats, especially if the media continue their downward spiral away from actual issues. The bottom line is that the NDP has to meet and beat the other two parties at there own game before they have a chance at forcing them to play the NDP game, and this is a way of playing that both parties cannot repudiate as to do so would allow themselves open for attacks that they want to circumvent democracy.

My Life Right Now

Well in my life right now I must say that I'm stuck here soly because I'm torn between where I’m supposed to go, or in to what direction I should hid into. There are a great number of directions to go into, and it is really that knowledge that has prevented me from choosing any of them. The main one that I keep obsessing about is the absolute fact that I'm lonely and that there nothing I want more then a girlfriend. Having never had one I wish for nothing more then to know what its like to know that somewhere out there their is someone who always has you on there mind, as well s someone who wants to share themselves with you, this is all that I want. But where this fits in with the rest is the knowledge that to peruse other options may just eliminate the chance for me to have any sort of romantic relationship, and likewise to pursue a girl may just make it impossible for me to do other things. This is why I'm caught in a state of limbo, and why I can’t do anything worth while at all. Beyond having a girlfriend I want nothing else in my life then to go into some aspect of politics, but to me those cannot happen at the same time for I’m someone who will throw themselves fully into whatever situation I'm in and if that’s politics then it would be unfair to any girl I end up. Beyond these two a third option has captured my attention which would be to retreat into the back woods and live off of the land, but in this day an age that hardly seems a viable option. No, the main debate within me exists between the desire for companionship vs. the need to do what’s right and to make a difference in the world, and as soon as I dedicate my life to one the other goes down the drain. That’s why now I do nothing, as long as I don’t go to either side I can still entertain the fantasy that I could possibly have both, I guess that’s why I’ve both never allowed myself to get to close to girls, as well as the reason that I’ve never been strongly involved in any sort of political campaigning.

Monday, March 13, 2006

My Troubles as a Youth

I woke up to my mom talking to Betty on the phone downstairs, but that really wasn’t the problem as what it had done was force me to think of the differences in the way that she'd raised me vs. her that had caused her to the outgoing one in our family, and really the one who would take on the world if she thought it'd be fun. Anyway after I thought about it I figured it out and it turns out there was a minor discrepancy between the way she raised her son's vs. her daughters. Now I know mom would be the last person to admit this but it’s true, and even though it was only in the subtleties it none-the-less still existed. What it was a lack of encouragement to her son's an any of the general things of life. I can clearly remember her telling repeadly to Betty that she would always be able to whatever she wanted, however I cannot remember her ever telling this to either me or Adam. That not to say she never encouraged us, and she certainly didn’t discourage us its just that I believe that she felt that because we were male we should have that already instilled into us by society and that we didn’t need direct encouragement because we were supposedly getting wherever we looked but the girls needed to be pushed and encouraged to do anything that they wanted as it wasn’t reinforced by society. This, I then worked out was the root of my problems and it is why I really fail to be able to perform even the most basic of social functions. Because nothing in my life has been reinforced I have nothing to really base my life upon, what my mother did was to successfully break down whiten me the basic gender sociotypes, but yet she then failed to build up anything on top of that. So in short it means that I have no clue what it means to me to be a male because she broke down the standard definitions (machoistic, chauvinistic, egotistical, confident, proud, etc...) of maleness and then failed to provide me with any other definitions, so I've been forced to piece together my own, which has largely been what I don’t equate with femaleness and with both a very dominating sister and mother there really is not much left and its really only been in the last few years that I've figured out that males and females can be defined by the same things.

Lonely on a Sunday Afternoon

Oh dear, well it’s a lovely Sunday afternoon here, its just one of those days that I both love and hate at the same time. I love it because it's one of the first days of the year that you can actually do stuff outside and be active in some way. I love it as I was finally able to get out on my bike for the first time this year, and it showed me exactly how out of shape I am now. The reason I don't like days like this are a bit more complex and maybe a bit difficult to understand. Days like this are meant to be shared with people and not to just be enjoyed by ones self, and as you should all know if you've been keeping track, I've never exactly had anyone to share a day like this with. Because of this I always get this deep feeling of longing whenever days like this present themselves. Even while I'm typing this up all that I ca think of how much I would have loved a day like this at school, when I would probably have been found drinking a beer on our front steps sitting in a lawn chair. Ahh those were the days, they only lasted for one fleeting year though and then they were done, and here I now am, sitting at home wishing I was back in school enjoying this marvelous day.

Friday, March 10, 2006

My Relationship Experience Pt. 1

One girl that I cold have gotten close to but failed happened in my 3rd year. It was at the Junior Prom, and was there with some people (this was before I met my good friends) and I started dancing with this girl whom I didn’t know at the time, but she lived on the floor below me. Anyway I have this rule that I kept all through university not to do anything serious when I was drunk, with any girl that I wasn’t attracted to when I was sober. Well I was able to remember that rule that night, so nothing happened, but a few days later I ran into her and she told me that she liked me, and me now being sober realized that I didn’t really like her, but so not exactly knowing how to handle this situation (the whole lack of experience thing) gave her the cold shoulder, and made her feel bad for going out on a limb to tell me how she felt. Needless to say I felt awful but I was unable to really do anything as I had no words to defend myself or to make her feel better.

Majority Governments

A majority government in Canada would be bad all-round, although doubly so because it’s the Conservatives who embody both social and economic conservatism, as well as an international stance that would place us at the greater hands of the pressure of the Americans. This, need I say, is bad, already Canada is one of the most foreign controlled economies in the world, and by foreign I mean American, for if there were true international competition within Canada it would not be nearly as bad, but when one country has this monopoly then it is bad news for the host country. This is most definitely the direction that Harper and the Conservatives will take us, and that’s not to say the Liberals wont or didn’t, as they did and would continue to if they got in. That is why a majority government is bad, as it allows the leader to do as they wish with impunity, which is what led to the sponsorship scandal. What pisses me off in this election is that not one party raised this issue, or pointed out this fact, not one party raised the issue that the only corruption free governments in Canada have been minorities I haven’t really had time to verify this but just look back at the obvious ones, Mulroney and the Airbus scandal, the only reason he got out of that is due to the fact that’s he’s a codified bully, and sued the government so they’d lay off, and to my surprise it worked. For Trudeau it was the whole FLQ crises and Black October, it would not have been possible for him to bring in martial law in Montreal, which is still a contentious part of his legacy. Even right back to when Canada was only a few years old, MacDonald’s first government was toppled because of the big CP Railroad scandal.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

My Story

I figure it's time I tell you a bit about myself. My name is Jimmy Pitts (hence the name 'In the Pitts' as it describes the way my life is as well as you relationship to me by getting a unique view of my life, on top of that it's just a cheap pun.) I'm 22 years old, single, jobless, living with my parents, and while desperate to get out of here not really doing all that much about it, six months ago I graduated from university with a Bachelor of Arts Degree, but with marks slightly too average to continue on without some sort of upgrading.

I grew up literally in the middle of nowhere Nova Scotia, Canada, which was much more fun then it, sounds, as most of the time me and my Siblings would just be running around the woods doing mostly whatever we wanted without having to worry about any of the things you would have to deal with in urban centers. I remember the only real worries being around hunting season when we would have to make sure that we always wore those bright orange vests so that we wouldn't get shot. My parents discovered when I was young so during all this time that I'm talking about takes place with just us and our mother, Clare. I'll get more into that period later but right now I need to skip on to a later period after we moved out of their. When I was 10 we moved and we lived with actual electricity and running water. During the next few years of my life only two notable events took place; the most obvious being the birth of my little sister Freda. The other major thing was not so much an event as an ephiney. Sometime during the winter before I turned 12 I figured out what my life was supposed to be and to what extent I was supposed to live it, what I mean by t is that I saw the ways the world would be if I led the life that I'm on now as well as what would happen if I didn't. That's really all that needs to be said on that subject, just continue to keep it in mind when I explain the rest of my life. So well guess that this now bring us up to the start of the fun part of my life: adolescents, or what passed for one in my life. See I never really had what anyone could properly call an adolescents, sure the physical aspect of it was there (its kind of hard getting around that part of it) but where it failed for me was in the social and emotional part. The social was difficult due to the fact that I was brought up home schooled so any social activity was quite limited. And it was because this social aspect was lacking that the emotional one was as well. I believe that I was 16 when I first entered the public school system, and man was it ever a shock, not the work for the most part that was a joke, but rather the social interaction that takes place when you throw a few hundred teenagers together in a relatively small area. This was something that I was completely unprepared for as my only real social interactions had been with friends of either my siblings or my parents, neither where a very good preparation for the impact of school. My main problem in high school (and it really still is today, although to a different extent and for different reasons) was the fact that during that time I had no real friends at all, sure I had people I hung out with during lunch hour and in the morning before class started, but as far as any socializing after school it was practically nonexistent. Somehow I managed to survive that period of my life, but even that wasn't really anything that was to compare what I would go through my first two years of university. My first two years in university were in short - Hell. I remember dreading the weekends as it would mean that I'd have to watch everyone else get ready and go out to do stuff, but I knew that it would just be one more day alone for me. This was a hard time for me which was completely due to the complete lack of social skills that I had, or rather didn't have, but there is no reason to go into more detail now as most of might eventually come to light later. If my first and second years of university were Hell then my third and fourth years there were Heaven. I guess I knew that some change had occurred in me sometime during the summer before my third year. I was working away from home that summer, and in a place where I was unknown so I was able to give myself much more freedom to behave the way in which I truly wanted to rather then just the way that I thought I should. That summer was great, for really the first time I guess I was able to say that I had people around me who actually wanted me around, which was such a change from my previous two years. During that summer I also met Gillian, a great and fantastic girl who for some weird reason was attracted to me. This was really my first foray into any sort of feelings towards a girl (that's right, for those keeping score I was 20 at the time) but due to the fact that I'm completely shy and have no social skills whatsoever nothing ever materialized out of that mutual attraction (a fact for which I am at least partly glad of now). But that was a good start for me when I went back university in the fall as I was actually able to make some friends that year. For the first semester I hung out with some people for the most part which was great, but I was never really part of their clique, more like someone who just hung around them. However in that semester I also met a number of people who would become actual good friends of mine and who would fully include me in their group. But before I go into much detail about them I have to introduce someone who has, is, and hopefully will continue to be an important figure in my life, and that's Isabelle - or Iz. I first met her in my first year as we had a number of classes together, and you quickly notice someone who is in a bunch of them, but it was not until the third year that I really got to know her at all, and unlike most other girls I met, my crush on her grew greater the more I got to know about her. I could go into great detail about her but it would be irrelevant as this I is not really about her but rather is my tail. As much as I liked her (and believe me that’s not only in the past tense for I still do) I could never bring myself to tell her that for as I've already said (or as least shown) I'm a complete idiot when it comes to any dealings with the opposite sex. So rather then me tell her how I feel I just kept it in and was resigned to just be a friend with her. Now let me get back to my friends. I first met the first one of them and the one who introduced me to the rest on the first day that year. I remember this tall, strikingly beautiful girl come into my room and introduce herself, I remember that all I could think of at the time was "there is a beautiful girl in my room talking to ME, and what am I doing? NOTHING." I was really unable to talk to her in anything other then casual chitchat, and certainly not that she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes upon, and believe me I kicked myself on that one. But anyway after that day it was probably another month before I talked to her again. Even though it may have taken a while I eventually became good friends with her by the time the Christmas break came, although at no point was it to go beyond that. By Christmas I had also become friends with the rest of her friends, so by the time I came back for the second semester I could for the first time truly claim that I had some friends. As well as having that group of friends when I got back I also managed to became better acquainted with a number of people whom I really only knew casually. The most important of these was Molly who I really got to know over spring break and who would be the first person that I'd kiss (yes I know I'm 20 now), however even though this was the case the relationship was to go no further then that for various reasons. Despite this I look at this school year as the best one of the four, by far, for as well as having gained social skills (all be it ones that most people have by the time there 14) I was also working out regularly and was getting involved in thins that had interested me since first year but lacked the confidence to do them before. So I guess that’s it for my third year now for the fourth. The forth year was the second best year for me, I was out on my own and I still had all the friends that I’d met the year before, as well I was still keeping active and continued to meet new people. Nothing much happened during this year, mostly just going with the flow and maintaining what I'd started in the previous year. So this then takes us up to graduation and my life after that (such as it is). After graduation I stayed at home with my parents and that’s where I remain today.

Observing, Seeing and Understanding

God damn it, people are stupid, well maybe 'stupid' is not quite the right term 'blind' might serve better, because its not that people don't know its that they cannot know. I mean when I look around I see a lot of different thing and as well as seeing them as an individual occurrence I see the interconnectivity that exists between everything and because I see it all I then have to understand it all, which is just a pain in the ass because to understand it all it involves knowing EVERYTHING, not just knowing what you see but knowing why you see what you see. It's very difficult to explain due to the limitations of the english language, and my limited communication abilities sure don't help all that much. Let's try again. Ok, when people see something on TV, hear about something on the radio or see something happening before their eyes they then register this as an event that has happened. So for my purposes I'm going to define this form of registering as 'observation', this differentiates from 'seeing' in an important way. When you observe something it registers as a individual entity in your brain, for example when you see a story on TV about a car crash that occurred on the highway that is then stored in your brain as in entity in and of itself so that when you observe the next story about a guy being lost in the woods you file that as another separate entity, so on and so forth on down the line. Now occasionally there will undoubtedly be a link between two different observations, and it is this link that I define as 'seeing' (I use this as a derivative of the term 'I see' as in to understand, but I cannot use the term 'understand' here because that will be defined as the comprehension of seeing, but more on that later). For example say the guy that was lost in the woods got that way because he wandered away from the accident on the highway, which would then be seeing. So seeing is not as uncommon as one would expect, because links are all around us, but some are a lot more obvious then others and it is really the less obvious ones that I'm discussing here, because anyone can observe two obvious events and link them together, it can even be done with many amounts of events, they can all be observed and then linked together, but the more events that are observed the more difficult it is to link them together in an way that is understandable. Generally in today's world we tend to get wrapped in events rather then links, and pour our effort into one particular observation, and then from there we look at all the events that are linked to that one event that we are focused upon and so we spread our knowledge of links and events out from one central point (picture the hub of a wheel with the spokes jutting out from that) and as such we can link any related event back to our understanding of that central observation. This is the way that people see things and it is what is generally meant by the phrase "you cannot see the forest for the trees" because in order to see the forest you have to see it as a whole without any central hub, observe not just the events in and of themselves and see their subsequent links but you must see the links as entities in and of themselves as well, and it is this vision of the links as their own entities that I define as 'understanding'. To put down examples I need to introduce one of my theories (keep in mind that because this is just a theory it is not a true concrete example but it should be enough to suffice). One of the main argument that I will always put forward it the idea that the Cold War is responsible for both the successes and failures of the current struggle against the corporate agenda (i.e. making as much money as possible in the shortest amount of time). The way the thinking works in this theory is really pretty simple, you first observe the events that occurred during the Cold War (McCarthyism, Vietnam, the Berlin Wall, etc...) then you observe the major struggles against corporations (Seattle, Quebec, etc...). That is the easy part; the tough part comes in seeing the connections that exist between the two seemingly unrelated events. The connection exists solely in the belief of the human psyche, and that after 40 years of government linking the ideas of capitalism and democracy, and communism and despotism the human psyche is conditioned to this way of thinking so that when the people rise up yell that this is bullshit the government continues to spew this line as it is helpful. The connection goes a bit deeper then this, but seeing as I'm not getting into that theory right now it's really irrelevant to the argument at hand. So we've observed the events during and after the Cold War and we've seen the basic link between them, what comes next is the understanding of these links as entities within themselves. This is the part that I cannot show as it requires understanding, but what must be understood is the idea that the conditioning of the human psyche is not only a link but also an event in and of itself. Furthermore all of these links also link to themselves. Basically what I'm getting at here is the fact that everything is interrelated, but more important I'm getting into the comprehension that has to exist in order to understand that level of connectedness. I mean sure everyone is aware that were all connected, but few can even begin to fathom the level at which we are connected, and this is where I draw upon the phrase "you cannot see the forest for the trees" because sure people are aware that driving hurts the environment which then causes harm to us, but this is the extent at which most connections are made, this is just making a bridge between two trees, too see the entire forest requires zooming out and understanding why driving is bad, and all the reasons driving is bad (emissions harm the environment, roads destroy habitat, drilling for oil is destructive as well, producing metals and plastic used in cars is harmful etc...), and then to understand all these you have to see the all the things that are connected with them. So to truly understand the forest you cannot skip over the trees, but you cannot stare at them either, you need to observe the trees, see what links them together and then understand the way these links interconnect.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


Well I’ve managed to solve the problem of the feminist movement, and why it’s led to the problems within society that we have today. That problem is one word: Respect. That is what women were fighting for in the 60's and they believed that could be achieved through equality between the sexes. And boy they couldn’t have been more wrong. Right now it seems that respect between the sexes is at an all time low now, and it is this disrespect that is destroying the family, and it is the children that end up paying for in the end. The problem isn’t with equality in and of its self, for that is a good idea, but I think that respect should have been achieved first and then equality sought. For women in seeking equality with men have not only caused the men in the 'male' role to disrespect them due to the view of infringement, but also was disrespectful to the 'female' role as it caused women to shun their traditional duties. I'm not explaining this all that well right now because I’m pretty tired, so maybe I'll try again later