Wednesday, June 21, 2006

June 20, 2006

Aggghhh, I guess I now officially hate my life. I woke up this morning with the worst mood that you could possibly assess to me. I’m pissed off, have a major sense of dread which coincides perfectly with my great tenancy for depression. Yeah, I woke up and it was not a good thing, I should have avoided it as much as possible. I had this deep and everlasting longing to hold someone in my arms, I don’t know if any of you know how that feels, although I’m sure some of you do. Yesterday when I was on the bus this woman came in wearing this tight tube top and set down right in front of me, and believe me, it was all I could do to stop myself from trying to rub her shoulders. I mean I almost literally had to sit on my hands to stop myself. In reality I know that it’s something that I’d never do but still, just when I thought I had that yearning under control it rears its ugly head again. Agghhhhh. Definitely this is a very frustrating time in my life and I don’t expect that it’s going to end any time soon, and I think that the only way that it will end is to acquire a girlfriend, but I believe we all know how likely that is.

June 19, 2006

Well this is it, tomorrow I figure out exactly what sort of job I’m going to have for the next little bit anyway. After that I have to start looking for a better one, or at least another one because I know that this one is not going to give me enough hours to survive in the city. Oh well, it’ll be fun, I guess it’s to be an adventure for me, even though I don’t really like adventures all that much, unless it’s something I like or with someone I like.
Oh well, now I just get to sit here and watch game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals, and cheer on Edmonton. It’s about time that was back in Canada.

Anyway today has been a rollercoaster day for me, up and down, time and time again. I figured out earlier what I need to do and that’s write!! I have way too many ideas and theories to keep in my head and keep to myself. I need to get them out, especially seeing as so many of them appear to be so simple on the surface but maybe quite revolutionary if you get down into the depths of them. I’ve already outlined quite a few of my ideas on here, but I have yet to go into any real detail or depth. Oh well, at least I’m now in a city with a University, and more important a University Library. So now that I have a job, I’m going to have to find an apartment, hopefully one that I can afford. Oh, on that note I’m in the process of working on Julia to see if she wants to get an apartment with me as that would be the best, seeing as I don’t think I’m going to be able to afford a 1 bedroom or even a bachelor.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Job hunter!!

Hey people, it’s been quite a while since I sat down and wrote you a message, and even longer since I actually posted it. So let me let you know what’s been going on in my life. First off, all that I’ve been up to lately is just looking around for a job, so far I’ve managed to get two interviews. One today and one tomorrow. Outside of job hunting I’ve just been getting back in touch with Heather, Isabelle and the rest of my friends that are up here. So in reality I haven’t been up to all that much, just trying to survive in this place and hopefully manage to make some new friends, but so far that last one is still just a pipe dream. Although I have managed to find out where the vast majority of hot females hang out, it really doesn’t apply to me though seeing as I’m still uncomfortable about talking to them. Oh well, tomorrow after my interview I get to go out and see Isabelle which always cheers me up. Oh well, my brains starting to melt so I’m not going to continue on right now, but I’ll try to post more often.

My adventures in the city (June 6)

Well this is it, alone again, and as always I’m depressed. I don’t know what to say other than the fact that while this is one of my favourite times, or it should be anyway, yet here I am sitting alone and depressed on a Sunday night wishing I was anything but. Oh, what should I have expected though?? Even though I’d like to think that I’ve changed, in reality I haven’t, at least not nearly enough. Oh well, tomorrow I gotta start looking for a job and than we’ll see if I’m able find a place and stick around this city.
Today I spent the afternoon with Heather, which was a fucken blast but just like it always was when I was hanging around with her at school I always get these bouts of depression after I go home. I think that the reason behind this is that I’m just lonely, I mean I’ve bitched about this before and I know I will again, but shit, I want a girlfriend!! I’m sick of this shit and I don’t know how to get one at all. Every time I see a couple either on TV or in reality it just makes me even more depressed and unhappy. I mean how do these guys get girls?? I will forever be trying to figure out this question no matter how long I live. I mean I was watching an episode of The Simpsons earlier, and all I could think of was “how the hell do guys talk to girls in that way?” Anyway I cannot concentrate enough to keep this rant up. I’ll get back to you on many of these issues in the future so keep in touch.

My adventures in the city (June 6)

Well this is it, alone again, and as always I’m depressed. I don’t know what to say other than the fact that while this is one of my favourite times, or it should be anyway, yet here I am sitting alone and depressed on a Sunday night wishing I was anything but. Oh, what should I have expected though?? Even though I’d like to think that I’ve changed, in reality I haven’t, at least not nearly enough. Oh well, tomorrow I gotta start looking for a job and than we’ll see if I’m able find a place and stick around this city.
Today I spent the afternoon with Heather, which was a fucken blast but just like it always was when I was hanging around with her at school I always get these bouts of depression after I go home. I think that the reason behind this is that I’m just lonely, I mean I’ve bitched about this before and I know I will again, but shit, I want a girlfriend!! I’m sick of this shit and I don’t know how to get one at all. Every time I see a couple either on TV or in reality it just makes me even more depressed and unhappy. I mean how do these guys get girls?? I will forever be trying to figure out this question no matter how long I live. I mean I was watching an episode of The Simpsons earlier, and all I could think of was “how the hell do guys talk to girls in that way?” Anyway I cannot concentrate enough to keep this rant up. I’ll get back to you on many of these issues in the future so keep in touch.

I made it to the City (June 4)

Well here I am, I finally made it into the city and I’m here for approx. one month. I’m not 100% sure exactly what I’m gonna do next but I know that I’m going to have to find a job so that I don’t have to go back home. But oh well, at the moment I think I have a few more other problems to deal with rather than finding a job. First I think I need to become comfortable with my apartment and the location of where it is. Another thing is that I have to be careful not to slip into my old routines and rythems that I had when I was in school. I noticed that this might be a problem when I finally called Heather earlier and I just could not get it together to effectively communicate with her, even if it was to just make plans to meet her at some future date. And that is exactly the bull shit that I had to deal with back at school and it drove me nuts as I used to lie in bed kicking myself for being a complete and utter idiot!!! Maybe I’m doing too much too fast and have a bit too many expectations about myself, I mean I’ve been through a LOT of changes in the past few weeks and maybe I have just too much on my plate and just need to relax a bit a live to get used to what I have. The only problem with that is what I have now is unsustainable and requires that I make future changes.
Oh well, I’ll figure it out in some way and I’ll try to keep you up to date through all the problems and changes that my life is going to go through for the next few weeks.